The Hauntings of Minerva McGonagall
by Child of the Muse
Summary: If she had chosen him over her own selfish morals, maybe the world really could have changed, as she had changed many things about Tom over the years. But as a young girl, she had been too blind to see it. She was too blind to see what he could become, and that she could change it. She could have saved everyone this heartache, even herself. But she didn't... She didn't.


He was a year younger than I and we were in two separate houses, and indeed, it had to have been the two separate houses that kept us not only apart, but at arms length from each other, seeing as the rivalry hadn't died down a bit since the founder, Salazar Slytherin, had departed from the establishment.

Still, fate has a funny way of bringing two unknowns together.

It was a warm pleasant spring day outside. The light shined in through the windows of the library, which the librarian had left to myself and a handsome slytherin first year. I'd taken notice that he had always spent far more time here than his fellow slytherins in years older than he. I took notice of the book he was reading: An Advanced Guide to Transfiguration. It warmed my heart that he was so intent on transfiguration, which had always been my favorite class.

"Hello there, I'm Minerva McGonagall."

"Tom Riddle."

"It's a pleasure to meet you. You seemed to me to be struggling with your transfiguration. Would you like some help?"

His smile was cautious yet with a side of distinct wickedness, just there, barely hidden under the surface. It fascinated me.

"I'm working on becoming an animagus. Perhaps you could be of assistance, seeing as you are the best in your year?"

The Slytherin tactic of flattery had never gotten very far with me. I was always driven by my compassion to help, even if I had always been rather cautious. But the brighter side of my nature had always won out, even in spite of a slight case of paranoia.

"I'd be happy to."

And with that, we both set to work. It was later, after we'd finished, that we got into a conversation on the way up the stairs (he'd decided to walk me to my common room.)

"So why did you get sorted into Gryffindor?"

I smirked.

"Why did _you_ get sorted into Slytherin?"

"Well, seeing as I asked you first, I think you should tell me first."

"Ah, but how would I know that you would respond to my question?"

He smiled. "Alright. I don't think the world of wizards works right, but I have ambitions to change it. Seeing as I'll go to whatever lengths I have to in order to change what laws I think should be changed, thus the sorting hat put me in Slytherin. Your turn. Why did the sorting hat put you in Gryffindor?"

"I'm not entirely sure to be completely honest. I didn't really choose any house because I was really confused about which house to choose, and even the sorting hat was torn between Ravenclaw and Slytherin. It was about to shout out Ravenclaw when it saw what I'd been trying to hide. That's when it decided to put me in Gryffindor."

"What were you trying to hide?"

We'd both come to a stop. "We're at my common room, Tom."

He sighed. "I just can't make sense of why you are here and not in Ravenclaw. You're not hotheaded like the other Gryfindors. I mean, you have your moments, but they are appropriate moments. Like when someone betrays you. and it's almost always done in private. Otherwise you are cool, calm, collected, and cautious."

"And how would you know how I deal with my problems?"

The corner of his mouth barely lifted up. "I have my ways."

Most would have thought of that statement as a bit odd. But I'd taken it as a compliment, as that meant he was actually interested enough in me to spy on me.

"Thank you."

"You know, it's easy to get wrapped up in a conversation with you. You are very smart. And I agree with the sorting hat, you would have done very well in Ravenclaw. Goodnight Miss Mcgonagall." He kissed my hand with a grace and poise that did not belong to an eleven year old and walked back down the stairs to his common room. That was the beginning of our short but deep friendship.

It was six months before either of us had made any real headway in our physical transitions. Tom's front teeth had gotten sharper, and I'd grown a rough tongue. However, we both were still really struggling with the finer mechanics until we read of a place in the forbidden forest where you could learn magic.

In the dark, we traveled to this mysterious place and I jumped as a voice spoke calmly, his glow cutting through the dark like a knife, "And who might we have here?"

A clear translucent shining silvery form drifted to us along the ground, levitating across it. "What magic are you yearning to know?"

Tom didn't skip a beat. "We wish to become animagi."

The friendly ghost smiled. "Very well than. Explain to me where you are at so far and how you have advanced to your goal."

"Well, we've studied many books on how to correctly shapeshift. But there must be something somewhere that we are both missing. We can't seem to get past the basics."

"Which are?"

"Well, the most I have been able to transform of myself is my tongue."

"And the most I have been able to alter myself is to produce sharper teeth."

The friendly ghost smiled. "Magic is much more than books and logic my dear children. It is about emotion, ambition, drive. How far are you willing to go? How deep are you willing to feel? How much pain are you willing to go through? How true to yourself can you really be? Look inside yourself. Ask yourself, who you are. When you see what comes to mind, allow your control to slip and your body to let go, and you will shift."

I was suspicious of this ghost and I didn't know who he was, but he seemed kind, and sweet. He seemed...caring. So, in spite of my suspicions, I closed my eyes.

I was very warm. Not hot, but comfortable enough. I desperately wanted to nuzzle against this kind ghost for helping me not only achieve my goal, but find myself and this new view of the world. And the world was so different!

For the first time in my life, I didn't need glasses. In fact, glasses would have hurt my eyes with how sensitive my newfound sight was. Everything was in such perfect color, even at night! I could smell the fresh cologne of the trees and the cool perfume of the water filled pond nearby. I could smell beyond the pond to the delicious scent of sweet smelling fish that swam unaware of the danger. I wanted so badly wanted to hunt and pounce, to play, to fish, to run. Things that I had always considered to childish for me, I wanted to have. And so, giving into that feeling, I took off running. I was about to swipe into the water and pull out a yummy looking trout when I realized, I was a cat.

Curiously, I looked around for Tom. In the place of where my new friend had stood only moments ago, there was now a huge cobra, at least ten feet tall.

I stalked toward him slowly and, when I was near him, I poked him, just barely. When he turned toward me with those knowing eyes, I pounced. I could tell that his hiss wasn't threatening. He wanted to play as much as I did. We were both quick agile fearsome hunters. I pawed his body again to try to get him to move forward and we stalked together through the forest as I led him toward the pond so he could see his face.

His expression upon seeing his reflection was unreadable. But in his eyes, I could see a fierce joy that looked like it was about to burst from the very center of his being. Joyfully, I ran towards the ghost and stopped dead in front of him.

It was clear that he hadn't expected me to do so, but I couldn't help but nuzzle into his form.

We changed back into ourselves, with much regret on my part, and looked the ghost in the eye.

"Thank you so much for teaching us! I can't speak for both of us, but I would love to come back and learn more from you."

"I would as well."

The ghost smiled. "Very well than. Come back every night at sunset and I will teach you until eleven, at which time you must head back. I will clear it with the headmaster and you will be allowed permission to come here. I will not tell him of your transformations. Simply that I wish to teach two very promising students."

And so every day, we learned from the ghost. Tom's goals were ambitious, mine on the other hand were simply curious. It than occurred to me one day that I had never asked the ghosts name. So at the beginning of one of our lessons, I asked the ghost, "Who are you?"

"I am Salazar Slytherin. Surely you knew?"

"You looked familiar but I didn't think you could be...I didn't expect you to be this kind."

He smiled gently. "Tom Riddle is my heir and you are the only true friend he has. I honor that. You have great promise in your future young lady."

"Thank you." I couldn't help but smile at the genuine compliment.

He had smiled and continued with our lesson.

Often after the lessons, we would often play together, me and Tom, chasing each other through the trees.

And it was there under the moonlight that our souls revealed to us who we were. Tom, a powerful thick black king cobra, with a venom deadly enough to kill two and a half elephants, and a body big enough to eat a man, was a cautious, playful, careful, powerful, and deadly man. And me, a grey cat with black stripes and a saucy hidden attitude that drew in this familiar, if cautious, serpent.

I was faster than he was, more playful, more tantalizing. As we grew older, we spent more and more time together. It was third year when I began to realize how I drew him in. He began staring at me in certain flirtatious ways when he thought I wasn't looking. He would often stare at me when talking to others, and the physical contact between us grew to a paramount level. This was the way it went on for two years until his fifth year, my sixth, when he asked nervously if I would go on a date with him.

I happily complied, not hesitating for a second. After all, I knew him. And he had always been honest with me about who he was. So why should I not give all of me in turn?

And so I prepared.

The scent of perfume clung lightly to my wrists and pulse points. Not obtrusive and not overpowering, and just barely noticeable with a twist of something light and fruity. It was the most flirtatious perfume I carried, which I'd gotten from my mother, Isobel.

I wore my finest green robes, a color I had found a fondness for, and was the envy of the school as I walked arm in arm with Tom Riddle, only this time, as _his _girl rather than _a_ girl. He made me feel like a woman and gave me the courage to be one.

It was in front of the withering tree in the courtyard that we shared our first tentative kiss. I never had nor never would find such bliss again.

"Minerva."

His voice was heated and low and horse. It was all the things that sent shivers up my spine. His arms were wrapped around me and his breath tantalized my neck in the most intimate of ways.

"Tom." I was ready to plead. I was ready to beg. He had me ready to fall to my knees, which meant that it was a good thing his strong arms were supporting me. All I wanted was him. His body, his heart, his mind, his very soul.

Recognition lit up in his eyes and that small smile that he reserved only for me crossed his lips, which he brushed ever so gently, so tenderly, across mine.

"I love you."

"Only me?"

"Of course only you. You are the only one that I trust, Minerva. For years we've been together. I've shared everything with you. And I want to share not only myself, but my entire life with you. I want to share with you, this entire world. You are deserving of only the best of everything in life. But first there's something that I want you to know."

"You can tell me anything, Tom."

He was nervous, shaking, pale. He looked a bit nauseous as though something turned his stomach. But surely whatever he had to tell me couldn't be that bad? He sucked in a deep nervous breath. "I am Lord Voldem-"

Just than a black robed figure ran right at us and dropped to their knees, a mask blocking their face. "My lord, it is finished, just as you requested!"

I wished that Tom had been able to finish his sentence. But I wished more that he had told me who he was long ago. This was as bad as lying to me, even though he had never technically denied anything, and I had never asked.

Tom had always promised to protect her from the school bullies that were rumored to roam the halls of Hogwarts. He had promised to always keep her safe from the one known to lead them. And now, here he was, being bowed down before in the courtyard. Her Tom Riddle was the infamous Lord Voldemort.

He turned to me with ultimate terror in his eyes, and I was angry. It was rumored that the horrible things those "Death Eaters" (who were really just children), had done, had been on _his _command. Nothing infuriated me more than the corruption of innocence.

He didn't even turn to the figure before them. "Leave us." But his voice was absent the fury that was rumored to be lord Voldemort's voice. At the moment, there was no Lord Voldemort. He was Tom Riddle. And she recognized that. But it angered her more than anything in the world that she hadn't seen it coming years ago.

Immediately they found themselves alone. "I didn't want to tell you. I wanted to keep it a secret because I knew that if you knew, I would be alone, and you would leave me. Minerva, you have been the only friend that I have ever had. I'm asking you...No. No, I'm begging you." He dropped down to his knees. "Be mine...don't leave me." He kissed my hand in reverence and for a moment I thought to slap him. But my love for him overpowered my anger.

I blew out a long breath and tried to calm my anger down before I spoke. "Tom, I love you. I have always loved you. Your intelligence astounds me. Your power is mesmerizing. Your beauty is entrancing. But the most wonderful thing about you is none of those things. It is your capacity to love."

"I have only _ever _loved you."

"Than I am begging you, leave the Death Eaters behind. Come away with me. Be mine and I'll be yours."

"I-I..."

"Please, your going down a path I can't follow. But we can still meet in the middle, just as we always have."

He let go what air was left in his lungs.

"Ok. I'll meet you at the three broomsticks and we'll take off together. We can enroll in Durmstrang as a married couple and no one can stop us. The age of consent there is 15. My hearts deepest dream is to be able to claim you as mine, and I will. I want you more than anything, Minerva McGonagall."

The space around me was suddenly very warm, which reflected the heat in my heart, the burning passionate desire that was Tom Riddle. It was at the three broomsticks that I waited for Tom, but when the moment came for him to appear, it wasn't him. A Death Eater showed up in his place, carrying an envelope. As soon as it was placed in her hand, the masked one took off.

_My infectious Minerva,_

_As it stands, I cannot bring myself to leave the family I have created, the only family I have ever known. I beg you to come into this new family with me. We can be together for all eternity. We can rule. Please come away with me. Be with me, as no one else ever could. Please my Miraculous Minerva, be mine._

_Yours forever,_  
_Tom Riddle_

She understood how he felt. She knew what it was like to so desperately want a family that didn't keep secrets and was honest. She was placed in Gryffindor over Ravenclaw because what she wanted most, was a family. But Tom had somehow mistaken the word obedience for the word slaughterhouse, the word family for the word slave, and the word love for the word power. She couldn't and she wouldn't condone what he did. And moreover, she wouldn't be near him when he did it...when he...killed. It didn't strike her as strange that she wasn't afraid of him. It was her courage that kept her from her fear. It was also her anger. But she was so, _so _very sad. She than made the worst mistake of her life.

_My Dear Tom,_

_I have loved you from the moment we met, and perhaps even before that. But I cannot go with you without sacrificing my moral compass. I know you and I know the things you do. And I cannot live with them. I'm sorry but I have to say no. _

_Because wherever you have lit a candle, you also cast a shadow. And I cannot be part of that shadow. I will love you forever. And I hope that someday, you can forgive me for saying no. Because until that day, I cannot forgive myself._

_I love you more than anything in the world._  
_Minerva_

She was the first girl to break his heart. From what she'd heard, she was also the last. For the rest of her life, it was always in the back of her mind, "maybe if I'd gone with him, I could change him. Maybe if I'd gone with him, I could have brought Tom Riddle back. And maybe, if I'd gone with him, my decision could have changed everything for the better."

"Lily and James wouldn't be dead. Countless others wouldn't be tortured into insanity. Families wouldn't be ripped apart. And Harry wouldn't have the weight of the world on his shoulders, because I would have shouldered it for him."

So it was here, on the battlefield, that she had to come to terms with these thoughts and the secrets that she would carry to the grave. She stepped forward as the wands connected, neither helping nor hindering. She was a silent observer for the moment, not knowing if she would have the strength to do what she needed to do if Voldemort got the upper hand.

Thankfully, he didn't. And the light hit him. And for a moment, he looked at her. Not at Harry. Not at the crowd. Not at the Death Eaters. He looked at _her._ And his last words were the words that would haunt her to her grave.

"I forgive you."

And than he died, his body crumbling, and his ashes blowing in the wind. She would never see Tom Riddle again. She would never feel his touch. She would never know him as she wished to. And for the rest of her life, those eyes would haunt her. That face would haunt her. The soft emotion in those ruby sanguine blood red eyes would haunt her. Even in all his rage, all his anger, he had never stopped loving her. Not once.

So if she _had_ chosen him over her own selfish morals, the world really _could _have changed, as she had changed many things about Tom over the years. But as a young girl, she had been too blind to see it. She was too blind to see what he could become, and that she could change it. She could have saved everyone this heartache, even herself. But she didn't...

She didn't.


End file.
